You’re not the first guy who’s ever went through the torment of wanting to be with an ex-girlfriend.  Most guys go through this to one extent or another.

If this is the first time you’ve ever gone through a break-up, well, give it a little more time.  See if you really do want to get her back.  If your just lonely and just want someone to have fun with, then get back out there and start dating again.  But if she’s really gotten under your skin and you KNOW that you want to be with her, then here are some suggestions to help you.

1.  Analyze how the break-up came about.   There’s some things to look for:  is there someone else, was there a major change happening in her life, did she get bored, do you drive her crazy?   Set down and make a chart with these four areas as the headings of columns, then under each area write down the answers.  Be completely honest with yourself.  This type of assessment will show you some things about yourself that you may have never considered.

2.  Decide to change.  No one makes a change to their habits or character easily.  It takes being honest with yourself and taking responsibility for your own actions.  Although the break-up may be the catalyst for the self-examination, the desire to change has to be for you, not her.

This may sound absurd; you may want her to know that you changed for her.  But the bottom line is, if you make changes in your life just to get her back, those changes won’t last.  If you do this for her alone, once you have an argument, the determination to keep that change will go right out the door.  And so will she.

On top of everything, this type of ‘change’ would be a lie.  More importantly, it would be lying to yourself.  That’s very dangerous territory.  It’s better to lose the love of your life than to lie to yourself and lose you.

Now, having said all that, the decision to change for the right reasons, you want to become a better person for you, is one of the most challenging, satisfying endeavors you can ever make.

3.  Begin to date other women.  The purpose of this move is to let your ex-girlfriend know that you aren’t going to die without her.  When she see’s you dating others she may have second thoughts about not being with you herself.

4.  Become a friend to her.  Friendship is the basis for any great relationship.  Along with that, if you present yourself as her friend, she will be able to see the results of the changes that you have made for yourself.  She’ll notice that you’ve become a different person.  If she’s at all interested in you, she’ll make a comment about that change at some future point.

5.  When the time comes where she asks about the changes you’ve made, set down with her and tell her what you’ve done.  Tell her that the changes were done because you couldn’t stand to be without her, but they were for you.  If she really wants you back, this will make her happy.

Good luck!

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